BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT
 
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
 8 years old,
 Hateful little bastard.
 Bites!
 
 
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
 
 
FREE PUPPIES.
 Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
 Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
 
 
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 Must sell washer and dryer £100.
 
 
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
 Worn once by mistake.> Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

 
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
 
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

 
Children Are Quick
 ____________________________________

 
TEACHER: Why are you late?


STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

___________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?


JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'


GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'


TEACHER: No, that's wrong


GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

 (I Love this child)

____________________________________________
 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?


DONALD: H I J K L M N O.


TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________
 TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
 
WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?


GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '


MILLIE: I is..

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.


Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?


LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?


SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..


Did you copy his?


CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
 
_____________________________

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
 
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?


HAROLD: A teacher

 


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